This blog survival tale begins where Fixer Upper Part Two ended. When Hayes was about 18 months old, Pete’s dad surprised us by expressing interest in meeting his grandson and seeing our house. I remember it as the fun visit and Frog’s Farewell.
Frog Is Chugging Out
We were delighted he wanted to make the long trip to Albuquerque from the western Chicago suburb where he lived. Grampa Frog decided to take the train. On the Amtrak Southwest Chief, it is a minimum of 25 hours and 29 minutes one-way from LaGrange, Illinois to Albuquerque, New Mexico. He was about 80 years old. Anyone who has traveled long distances on Amtrak will appreciate his effort as an elder to meet Hayes and spend time with us.
It was a blustery spring day when Pete’s dad arrived at the train station in downtown Albuquerque. I knew it would be sad to see him get off the train without his “bride” (his pet name for Noma). She passed away when Hayes was only two weeks old. I wrote about her in Entrances And Exits.
Since there was a forty-five-minute safety check in Albuquerque, many people got off the train to admire and buy the American Indian jewelry and other crafts and fast-food items the vendors sold from the train station platform.
People also liked stretching their legs and enjoying the fresh New Mexico air before the train continued to the next destination. Through the masses of people, we barely recognized the unhealthy-looking Grampa Frog. Way too thin for his 6-foot stature; sharp bone points screamed something was seriously wrong. Although Pete and I were shocked by his outward appearance, we did not make any comments about how thin, tired, and worn out he looked. We hugged him and introduced him to Hayes, the only male grandson to carry on the Fuller name.
Grampa Frog And Hayes
Hayes enjoyed playing with his only living grandparent. It was the second time Pete’s dad had visited us over thirteen years. He expressed that he just wanted to spend time with our family and preferred not to do the tourist thing.
We honored his wishes and had a good time hanging out at the house and taking a road trip to show him our rural property. His brief four-day visit was fun but also concerning. His cheeks no longer had the blush of red like those of the hearty sailor he once was. He had not yelled out one Fullerism during his stay. His abnormally quiet demeanor put us on notice that the visit might be the only one with his grandson. For more about Fullerisms and my early experiences with Pete’s parents, please check out Hot One In Classified.
Final Gifts
It was the last time. About six months after Grampa Frog met his grandson, he died of liver and brain cancer. Trying to accept that Hayes would have to grow up without knowing any of his grandparents was devastating to me.
Our bloodline families were diminishing. I was beginning to understand how the time we spend in the presence of family strengthens relationships or creates apathetic patterns that keep everyone drifting farther apart while on Earth. I was beginning to understand that not everybody shows love in the same quantity or in the same way.
Even with the imperfect relationships, I had a strong feeling the grandparents were watching over Hayes, Pete, and me from the other side of life. What we believe happens to our loved ones when they die becomes the foundation of our lives when we must face moving forward without them-a better place or no place at all-faith versus scientific explanation.
The loss of all of Hayes’ grandparents got me thinking about how I would answer Hayes’ questions about death when he was older. I knew one thing would happen for sure. My explanation would include my belief that his grandmother’s and grandfather’s visits were their final gifts of love to the three of us. The tender mercies of the universe had been received. How grateful I remain for the joyful memories of Granny Paul’s Sledgehammers And Silent Night and Grampa Frog’s Farewell shared with our family.
The photo below is how I remember Pete’s dad and Hayes’ grandfather. He was always telling a colorful story or saying something that could spike your blood pressure. It took several years before I understood that was his way of having fun and being charming.
What I appreciated most about him was the memory of the first and last time Pete and I saw him playing with and loving our son. Frog traveled 2,250 miles, not feeling well, to make sure we knew how much he loved us. Thank you for that farewell gift.
Dear Frog, try not to get kicked out of heaven! Love to you and your bride. As I always say, if a writer loves you, you are never really gone.
Tough Cookie Tip: The time to show people you love them is when you are alive, and so are they. The best way to do that is to make and spend time with them.
Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.
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It was interesting to put a face to the stories you told me about Frog. I guess Pete’s dad and your mom both felt the importance of showing they cared about your family 🙂
Frog was quite the character. He had a sense of humor that at times was hard to understand. I was happy to hear that you could see thru that to realize it was just his quirky sense of love ❤️ I enjoyed seeing the pictures of him especially the ones with him and Hayes.
A gift indeed! Often, when we have plenty of something, whether it be money, family, love, food, etc, we don’t think about it. It’s when we possess little of these things that they become important. Thank you for the touching reminder Marilyn! I especially relate to your sadness surrounding Hayes growing up not knowing any of his grandparents. I had amazing grandparents and great grandparents that thankfully were a large part of my life well into my 50’s. My “Dad”, who is actually my sister’s Dad and chose to be my Dad too, is the only grandparent my children grew up knowing, at least in a healthy way. My mother was alive but didn’t have the emotional capability to form loving relationships with my children. I decided early on that I didn’t have the power to change any of that. But what I could do is be the grandparent that my children missed out on moving forward and not allow the missing link of my parent’s generation to become the legacy of my family chain. I can say, in doing so, I have been blessed beyond measure. Grandchildren are truly magic! When it comes to family, “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”. But what we do with that is up to us. Blessings to you Marilyn!