Goodbye Childhood Trauma Hello Adult Drama is a post about how your childhood experiences influence the way you make decisions as an adult. The power of traumatic childhoods is an invisible inner force that follows you into adulthood.
What we grew up in, we think is normal. For many of us, trauma and drama were the norms. We bring the dynamics of our families, gender, generational trauma, culture, and beliefs with us.
In my previous posts, The Dad I Loved But Never Understood and Mental Illness Mom’s Secret, I wrote about how my parents’ inability to seek professional help impacted my happiness, self-worth, personal safety, confidence, and decision-making. My Tough Cookie Tale today picks up after Dad’s death and Mom’s stay in the psychiatric hospital.
Goodbye Empty Lot
My mom seemed to improve some after her Electroconvulsive (ECT) treatments. Whatever that therapy erased from her past, it calmed down her relentless pain. I was busy trying to find my way as a poet and working at other jobs to pay my bills until making money as a writer happened.
About a year after my dad died, my brother announced Mom wanted to sell the house and empty lot. Wayne wanted her to move closer to him and his family so he could take care of her. The Granville Avenue house was always lonely, but it was still the only home my sister and I knew. Welcome, Adulthood.
Dreaming Out Loud
Please allow me to dream and hope out loud. In an ideal world, every man and woman would practice safe sex; there would be no rape, incest, or sexual assault because every person would be in complete control of their minds, emotions, and body parts; people who know they don’t want children would not have them; people who want children, but have many unresolved issues, would not until they are healed by professional counseling; no child would be parented by addicts in any form or adults who think they can provide for their family and never work daily; every infant and child would be loved and never abused in any form. In that blissful world, all would be happy, valued, protected, and have all their social, emotional, physical, medical, and financial needs met.
Along the way, relationships are greatly influenced by our earliest attachments. Our caregivers are most important to us when we are infants or children. Emotional attachment is when we feel connected to the people who provide a sense of belonging, protect and guide us, enjoy spending time with us, and comfort us when we are scared or hurting.
Here is the uplifting news. Attachment researchers found that no matter how difficult a person’s childhood was, if they can make sense of and feel the whole feeling of what they experienced as children, they are better able to form healthier ties with people close to them in the present.
From birth, childhood, the teens into adulthood, we are discovering who we are relationship by relationship. Many of us are also finding out how strong and resilient we are. When we reach legal age and begin our adult journeys, we completely control our attachment template and how we see the world. It is the continuum known as life.
If you read my previous posts, you will understand why I wrote this poem during my transition from childhood to adulthood. The title is Friends.
I used to question who I was hanging out with and say to myself: I have always been kind, supportive, and listened to Person X’s constant problems. How come I don’t get the same back?
ANSWERS:
- You teach people how to treat you.
- Life is like an elevator: on your way up, sometimes you have to stop and let some people off.
- As traumatized children, we always dreamed someone would come and save us. We never dreamed that it would in fact be ourselves as adults.
- Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people. Know your value and what you have to offer. Never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
- Promise yourself: I will never again do anything I am not committed to.
- Nobody goes through more crap in life than a person with a good heart. Be proud of your kind spirit and don’t let anyone abuse it!
- Toni Morrison-You wanna fly, you got to give up that shit that weighs you down.
- A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not on the branch but on its own wings. Always believe in yourself.
The Kipling Method
What do you want your moving forward template to be? If you want to deactivate your Drama Shield, consider using the Kipling Method. Believe it or not, the method was developed after Rudyard Kipling’s poem “I Keep Six Honest Serving Men.” It highlights six important questions you can use to solve daily personal or professional challenges. Think about each question and identify:
What is the problem?
Why is the problem important to you?
When did the problem arise and when does it need to be solved?
How did the problem happen?
Where is the problem occurring?
Who does the problem affect?
Tough Cookie Add-on: What are all the options to consider to solve the problem?
Tough Cookie Add-0n: Is it time to confide in a trusted friend or seek professional guidance from a qualified psychotherapist specializing in relationship dynamics?
Great Resource For Healthy Relationships Information
Check out Healthy Place https://www.healthyplace.com
Tough Cookie Tip: When we are young and new at being an adult, we make mistakes. The patterns of feeling and thinking from our childhoods are complex. You don’t realize why certain dynamics keep playing out or developing in your relationships. I fell into the Power of Patterns Trap and will write about what happened in future posts. I wish I had known the above information early in my adulthood. I hope it helps you to make informed decisions to add more fun and purpose to your life.
Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.
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Too bad wisdom doesn’t come at an early age!
I loved all your “Answers”. They are good reminders for all of us. I also agree with Janet’s comment. As they say, youth is wasted on the young and wisdom is wasted on the old.