My Letter To Educators

This is my letter to educators with a universal request to encourage all educators to work in partnership with parents and their children. If you read my Jailbait Advocate series, you will understand why I wrote this letter.

Dear Educators,

Please see Hayes as a typical young person who loves to hang out with his friends and cruise the mall in the fastest power wheelchair he can find. He is not a test result or medical diagnosis. He is Hayes-not a “wheelchair kid” or “MD kid.”

My son needs to be with people who do not have disabilities and with people who do. He needs to have role models who also use wheelchairs. His dream is to go to college one day to be an architect and design malls or be a bilingual teacher.

Understand that one of the most challenging choices I ever had to make was to label my son for him to receive special education services. The first label was “Other Health Impaired,” and then as his condition progressed and he could no longer walk, the label changed to “Orthopedically Impaired.”

Mutual Respect

I have the greatest respect for your expertise as an educator. Will you show me the same respect that I am the expert about my son as a whole human being?

Please value and formally include my suggestions, observations, shared information, and written parent report, the same as any of the other members of the IEP (Individual Education Plan) team reports.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would listen with an open mind to my concerns about my son. I want to partner with you so that Hayes can be successful in school and reach his personal best in life. So, let’s brainstorm solutions together when problems happen during the school day.

Positive Approach

I would also appreciate a positive and sensitive approach if you need to talk with me about something regarding Hayes. When difficulties occur, please say something positive about my son before giving me the not-so-positive news.

I hope you will remember that problems at school are a part of my son and family’s life, and we have many other high-stress issues that we must deal with on a daily basis.

Please keep in mind that I am often fatigued because of my son’s 24/7/365 needs. I am usually trying to manage emotional overload and feel like I cannot handle one more sad thing.

My family does best when given all the choices regarding Hayes’ educational program. Please help Hayes, Pete, and me make informed decisions by providing us with all the information and options.

Are We At War?

I don’t deserve to be labeled “a difficult parent who is never happy” because I ask questions and expect timely solutions regarding Hayes’ educational program and personal safety.

I expect his rights and my rights as his parent to be honored in the public school system.

It takes compassion, courage, and commitment to change things. If you support Hayes and what Pete and I advocate for in private, please also help us during an IEP meeting where it matters legally.

Professional Responsibility

Teachers have one of the most powerful unions in our country, so please use that power to protect all children. It is unlikely many educators have gotten fired for advocating for a child with special needs because of their support during an IEP meeting.

If the principal is not acting in the best interests of the students and staff, isn’t it your professional responsibility to report their discriminating and unethical behavior?

Parents Are The Lifelong Supporters

Pete and I remain Hayes’ lifelong supporters while professionals come and go. Building mutual trust and respect with new and different educators and support staff who change every year takes time.

General And Special Educators

General educators and special educators need to communicate on an ongoing basis to implement my son’s IEP. Please take time to learn about my son’s condition and how it impacts his school program. I am happy to share information with you.

Encourage Hayes in his self-advocacy efforts. Every human being has a right to live as independently and joyfully as possible. He is not a “liability” or a “burden” which are two words that should never be used to describe a child.

Loss That Never Ends

Our family is constantly grieving a life skill that Hayes has lost or is losing.

Please don’t make comments to Hayes about his medical condition that are your assumptions and might harm him.

When he was eight and a half years old, one day, he could walk, but the next day, he could not. Currently, he is losing his upper body strength and needs 24-hour care and supervision.

Empathy

Try to imagine what Hayes’ daily life is like. Better yet, try going about your usual day using a wheelchair! How frustrating would it be to be a typical 9-year-old boy with the physical motor skills of about a 10-month-old baby?

How difficult would it be to see your friends getting to do more and more things while you are able to do less and less?

How hard would it be to have to ask for help doing everything? Imagine, as a child, having to cope with an overwhelming sadness every day and fear of the unknown.

What does it feel like to live with a condition that you know does not have a cure?

My Vision

My vision for my son is that he will live long enough to reach his dream of being an architect or teacher someday. I hope he will have a circle of friends to share his life with and be a happy adult and contributing member of his community.

Hayes has taught me more about what truly matters in life than I learned in all the years before I was blessed with being his Mom.

My Wish For All Educators

I wish that you will always enjoy working with children, continue to be fulfilled in your teaching career, and discover the great lessons of life that children with special needs bring to this world. After all, an experienced and wise principal once told me, “Marilyn, I believe all children have special needs.” And I agree.

Respectfully,

Marilyn Fuller, Hayes’ Mom

AKA Mama Bear

Tough Cookie Survival Tip: If we all practiced “treat others as you would like to be treated,” kindness would prevail instead of discrimination and pain. I am grateful to Ivan, my fearless, fellow Jailbait Advocate, and to the courageous teachers who also brought the truth forward about a principal who should never have been given a second chance.

Resource

The National PTA (Parent Teacher Association) is a great resource for parents, students, and educators. Part of their Mission Statement is “Diversity: We acknowledge the potential of everyone without regard, including but not limited to: age, culture, economic status, educational background, ethnicity, gender, geographic location, legal status, marital status, mental ability, national origin, organizational position, parental status, physical ability, political philosophy, race, religion, sexual orientation, and work experience.” https://www.pta.org

If you have not read the Jailbait Advocate 5-part series, you can begin here Jailbait Advocate Part 1.

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

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