My parents met at a bar in Bellwood where my dad worked a second job. He was the bartender. His full-time employment was being a mechanic and the Fleet Superintendent for Goldblatt’s Department Store delivery trucks.
Thinking out loud: what do people mostly share after a few adult beverages? Answer: their personal information freely flows. Most frequently asked question: Are you married? Once that is answered, the connection is made or not.
The trick is to figure out what is true and what is not disclosed. Although my mother knew my father’s first wife abandoned him, I don’t know if he was truthful about his drinking problem being the cause of their dissolution. Apparently, it didn’t occur to my mom that a bartender would be fond of alcohol on a regular basis. Or, as many women believe, they can fix their man. When two lonely, weary, been done wrong people meet, what happens? They wed and started having children. Thus began the need for religion. My dad was Catholic but switched to please my mom. Now we were The Baptists.
Every Sunday, our temporarily hopeful family went to the Bellwood Baptist Church. Pretty much, I just went for the candy. First, Deb and I attended Sunday School classes. There was about a 15-minute break until we joined our parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins for the regular Sunday service. It was just enough time to go to the drugstore across the street and load up on candy to get through another hour of inspiration. It was the only time all week long that we experienced what peace sounds like. Well, not always. For some unknown reason, Baptist preachers often yell their messages from God about love and acceptance to their congregations. Still, I wanted to believe.
The Baptist Rules
First, the Shalls:
- Thou shall accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior and be baptized.
- Thou shall read the Bible daily.
- Thou shall pray every day.
- Thou shall attend church every day the doors are opened.
- Thou shall tithe.
- Thou shall honor thy mother and father.
- Thou shall treat others as you would like to be treated.
- Thou shall trust in God, but all others pay cash.
And now for the Thou Shalt Nots:
- Thou shalt not go to movies. Does Funny Girl count?
- Thou shalt not engage in dancing. Crap. No prom or Polish weddings to enjoy.
- Thou shalt not drink alcohol. Oops, Dad, you are busted.
- Thou shalt not smoke cigarettes. Too bad, Mom. Ditch the Pall Malls.
- Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain. Okay. But can I cuss if I don’t mention God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Spirit?
- Thou shalt not steal. Sis, remember when you stole the brand new blouse I worked hard for that still had the tags on?
- Thou shalt not lie. Sis, remember when you lied for months about where my blouse was?
- Thou shalt ignore any science that contradicts the Bible.
On a personal note, I never saw any verse or commandment in the Bible that said: Thou shalt judge and treat less than any person who does not look like you, believe as you do, and doesn’t have as much money as you. Ego or spirit is always your choice.
Thou Shalt Not Smoke
It was tough for mom to get through a couple of hours without a cigarette. Right after church, she would bend down in the passenger front seat while lighting up. Deb and I told her that the cigarette smoke was rising. The church people could see it and know she was smoking and breaking the rules.
Also, the Baptists made unannounced home visits. One day Mom yelled, “On my God, the Preacher’s here!” She threw her pack of smokes in the oven. Deb and I instinctively ran to the closet because there was such panic in her voice. From our hiding place, we heard the knocking at the front door. Then silence. Then Mom, “He’s gone.” Amen.
I realized at a young age that the Holy Spirit would be working overtime with the sinning going on in our house.
Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.
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It must have been hard growing up as baptists, but still made it fun. Liked the pictures. A window to the past.
You forgot one of the Shall Nots. The one that says thou shall not use your offering money to buy candy to get you thru the church service!
“Thou shall not open the M&M’s during the first long prayer and (God forbid!) drop them on the tile floors.” Forget punishment from God, because you were going to get a spanking from your parents when you got home from church! Amen!
Hello, this is your co-conspirator cousin, Karen…now a gratefully recovering Baptist. Lots of good in the Bible, just not what the BBC thought would control the congregation. No wonder, after all of those “Shall nots” we had all of those rules at home too. At least we always had a good laugh in church with each other, before the weekly spankings began! Amen on the Amen:)