Blended Abandonment

I looked up a legal definition of Marital Abandonment. According to Legal Dictionary:

1. The giving up or withdrawal of support from something or someone.

2. The act of leaving or deserting a person or property with no intention of returning.

What a sterile, simple definition for a complicated life event between two people that impacts many lives for years to come.

This was the challenge for blending our family. Three people were already carriers of what’s not taken care of, falls apart. Children are whole human beings. Their healthy and joyful development depends on how their parents fulfill their social, emotional, and physical needs. Since my parents never talked about their past or their failed marriages, I knew few details while growing up. However, as all children do, I observed my mom and dad and felt something was not right. Would Deb and I be #4 and #5?

Looking back, I suspect my older brother was the first casualty by trying to survive the chronic loss of his parent’s divorce. I wonder how often he wished he could have more time with his biological father. I imagine the tape in his head played non-stop: Why did he leave me? Why am I not worthy? If my own Dad left me, why should I ever trust someone new?

When Wayne was 18, I was 8, and Deb was 6. He left for college to pursue his dreams and begin his life as an adult. We saw even less of our older brother. Sadly, I have few childhood memories with him, mostly because of the age difference and lack of our parent’s ability to establish a successful blended family from the beginning. Not even one picture exists of the three of us together during those years. I always wanted to hang out with my big brother. After all, in my eyes, he was a great baseball player! One of the few regrets I have is that Wayne and I never reached that close, lasting brother-sister bond. We got along, but over the years hardly spent time together. At 28, I moved to New Mexico; my brother and sister lived their entire adult lives in Illinois.

Decades later, when Wayne passed away, one of my cousins shared a heartfelt story with me that I never knew about him. Her mom, my Aunt Dolores, moved from Kansas where she taught in a one-room schoolhouse. She got a job at Jefferson Electric and lived with my mom in Bellwood (Illinois). My aunt worked the day shift and took care of Wayne in the evenings, while my mom worked the night shift. At bedtime, he always asked my aunt to sing him a song. Rather than sing a children’s song, she sang popular tunes played on the radio. Wayne’s favorite was one he called the Kiss Me song. The actual title was It’s Been a Long, Long Time, music written by Jule Styne and lyrics by Sammy Cahn.

Part of the lyrics are:

“You’ll never know how many dreams I’ve dreamed about you.

Or just how empty they all seemed without you.

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again.

It’s been a long, long time.”

When my aunt finished singing, Wayne always asked, “Are you going to kiss me once or twice?” I wonder if he thought about his father whenever he heard the Kiss Me song as a young boy. My sweet aunt always kissed him twice.

Thank you, April, for the fun memory and photo. It captures Wayne’s personality.

RIP, Wayne Maurice and Major.

Tough Tookie Tip: If a writer loves you, you are never really gone.

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please complete the form below to receive notifications about future survival stories and relationship tips. It is free to subscribe.