How I Earned The Nickname Tough Cookie

This is Number Twenty-One of the Tough Cookie Survival Tips. In this post, I summarize essential takeaways from my childhood and early adulthood to use to keep moving forward. If you read my posts from the beginning to the most recent, you know the circumstances of how I earned the nickname Tough Cookie. I survived because of the choices I made and believing in myself. Each memory I chose to share in Posts 1-20 stays true to the mission of my blog to help others.

The words “tough” and “cookie” are an interesting combination. Tough is resilient, heavy-duty, strong, and made to last. Cookie is that’s the way the cookie crumbles, falls apart, breaks up, and crap happens. My life taught me the advantage of how to balance strength, sensitivity, and sass (sense of humor) for positive results. As a personal note, my horoscope sign is Libra, and the symbol is the scales-balance in all things. I am mindful of using a balanced approach in all my stories and hope you feel that.

As a child, you cannot choose when you are born, where you are born, or who you are born to. As an adult, you choose who you will be in this world and how you will live.

Since my memory kicked in between seven and eight years old, I used writing to privately heal my trauma. I became a writer when I was eight. My childhood taught me that physical, emotional, and spiritual survival is about flexibility. To be flexible means you are open, adjustable, free to choose, and versatile. In other words, you might bend but you will never break.

Writing, reading, learning new things, playing sports, and music never let me down. It is no surprise to me how often writing or journaling is used to work with individuals as a daily tool to help them move forward into purposeful, joyful living.

10 Old Soul Lessons

Every baby and child is affected by the daily decisions their parents or guardians make. If the caregivers are not mentally, emotionally, or physically well, the seeds of pain, not worthy, less than, no better than the whore across the street, you’ll never amount to anything will be planted in their precious souls. As many of us find out much later in life, usually triggered by a traumatic event, the damage from our childhood surfaces.

The modern term for abuse is serious adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). ACEs rob children of their childhood, happiness, integrity, and innocence. It also betrays a sacred trust. Little and young souls that have to deal with dysfunctional parents are often seen as “old souls” or “mature for their age.”

Once an advocate, always an advocate. Every person involved in a child’s life should remember:

1. A child is not a miniature adult who can fix a parent’s problems.
2. A child is never responsible for the actions of an adult.
3. Children are at the mercy of their parents. Severe early childhood trauma jump-starts a child living in survival mode instead of the carefree days of fun, discovery, and connection they should be experiencing.
4. Parents are not perfect and make mistakes. Parents need to apologize, change their behavior, and do better. Be truthful with your children about your problems, so they don’t blame themselves. No person can claim they “did the best they could” if they do not get professional help to stop their abusive or addiction behavior.
5. The angry words and harmful actions of adults repeat continually in a child’s mind destroying self-worth and feeling safe.
6. Children constantly observe people and how those people make them think of themselves. Perhaps the only legacy worth having is to be remembered as a supportive and compassionate parent.
7. Whatever happens behind closed doors, a child believes it is “normal.” That puts them at high risk of repeating the abuse cycles they endured in their birth or blended family. Some never really have a family and end up in foster care.
8. If a parent never spends time with or encourages a child, the message sent is you are nothing more than a burden to me. Broken promises are not love.
9. Fathers model to their sons how to treat women, and mothers model to their daughters what you should expect from men. Judging from the multitude of rapes, domestic violence ending in death, and missing woman and children in this country, many adults are not up to the task, nor are they held accountable for their criminal behavior.
10. It was a rugged road for me to move forward from child neglect, emotional abuse, and physical abuse. The ultimate violation, however, is sexual abuse and being raped. I suspect many who read my posts have survived higher levels of abuse than me. To those readers, I am deeply sorry that destruction happened to your spirit. I hope the healing continues for you.

Creative Mind And Self-Care Survival

Since I was a kid, I realized I thought differently from other people.

On several occasions, I mentioned how writing saved my sanity and life. There are glaring similarities to those traits in common with creative minds and those traits needed to survive the unpredictability of daily living. By creative mind, I mean a mind that is open to all possibilities, willing to get out of its comfort zone, and not stay bogged down in boredom and discontent.

Creative Thinkers And Self-Care Survivors

• Curious and open to new information, experiences, feelings, exploration of society, the physical world, and the inner world of spiritual beliefs;
• Passion rules their decisions and they are rarely inspired or driven by monetary gain;
• Value living an authentic life instead of a fake one pleasing other people;
• Observant of all things human and non-human and a seeker of the why of relationships and the purpose of living. Many creative types carry a sketchpad and/or camera wherever they go to record any given moment worthy of a memory-op or photo-op;
• Pay attention to how people and nature connect to one another and notice patterns of behavior;
• Individuals with a Street (tough) and Spiritual (Cookie) side to their way of thinking and being in the world;
• Ever mindful of their personal safety and the safety of others;
• Struggle with believing in themselves and their creative value but keep trying;
• Just say no to the status quo to make a difference for the uncelebrated, invisible, discriminated against, and most vulnerable;
• Are the Daydream Believers and take mental health breaks when needed between projects to recharge so they can return to the flow;
• Passionate readers, disciplined, patient, and often sleep-deprived;
• Grateful for their creative gift and the good people and things in their life.

Do you see the similarities? How are you doing with your self-care survival success?

Books That Helped Me Along The Way

Equal to writing is reading to heal. This seems like the right time to share some books that helped me along the Not-So-Happy Trail at times.

1. A Tear And A Smile by Kahlil Gibran
2. Life After Life by Raymond A. Moody
3. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
4. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
5. The Seat of The Soul by Gary Zukav
6. Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
7. Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley
8. My Mother’s Rules by Divorce Court Judge Lynn Toler
9. Love and Relationship Secrets by David Essel
10. The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff
11. Talking Stick, Peacemaking As A Spiritual Path by Stephan V. Beyer

I read Finding Your Own North Star during one of the most confusing and troubling times of my life. I spent a week by myself in Cerillos, New Mexico, hoping the book would guide me to the answers I was seeking. The entire week I read, wrote in my faithful companion notebook, walked in the desert terrain, and questioned the purpose of my life and what my new purpose should be.

Martha Beck included the Writer’s Prayer in her book. I think the poem captures the soul of a writer and Tough Cookie. The prayer is:

God, grant me a tough shell to deal with criticism;
A soft, sensitive inside;
A need to stick my neck out if I want to move forward;
And a slow and stead patience to keep slogging away,
Day after day.

While in Cerillos, I wrote this poem:

Below are some of my favorite self-care survival one-liners. If you remember to use them regularly, they work for all relationships, personal or professional. Here they are:

If all the above fails, you can always ask Alexa. She’s got an answer for everything!

Excellent Resource

You will find comprehensive resources for survivors of Violence, Disasters, and other traumatic experiences at NSVRC.

In future blog posts, I will be writing about life with my son Hayes; beliefs; feminism; formulas for problem-solving; being an advocate for the most vulnerable children, individuals, and their family members; the grieving process; surviving survivor’s guilt; high-functioning PTSD; Sedona surprises; supernatural experiences; life in California; and more. I appreciate your interest in my writing and hope you visit my site often.

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

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