Safe Places

From the womb, until it is time to launch into the great beyond, we all need safe places to escape being emotionally hurt, physically frightened, feeling alone, and endlessly grieving loved ones.

Those safety places can be a favorite spot outdoors, a peaceful memory that calms you down, a scent, reading and writing, prayer or meditation in real-time, a call or visit with a trusted friend or family member. Growing up, these were mine.

Your safe place, whatever that might be, should bring you hope, calm, and confidence that the future can be better than the past or present and that you have the power to make it so.

The Empty Lot

Not only was the empty lot my fun and confident place because of baseball, but it also served as a break from my mom’s obsession with grime organization and the unspoken. Whenever possible, I laid in the grass under a welcoming elm tree. I could see the assorted cloud formations, sometimes animals, sometimes interesting patterns, just floating slowly by for me to admire. On lucky days, a small engine plane would pass by and pull me into the adventure I was creating in my mind.

One perfect day for kite flying, from the empty lot, I watched my kite make it all the way from Granville Avenue to past Manheim Road. That’s at least 3/4 of a mile. Some kid riding by on his bike stopped and said: “Wow! I can’t believe that’s your kite. I saw it when I was riding past Manheim and followed the string.” I had no idea how far it had flown and thanked him for stopping to let me know. I’m happy to say my fearless kite made it back to the safety of the empty lot.

In good weather, many a challenging croquet course was set up in the empty lot. Like the baseball games, it was also a magnet for the neighborhood kids and taught me about competition in a fun, healthy way.

In the winter, Dad built a snow (more like an ice hill) that Sis and I went flying off the sides way before reaching the bottom of that near-death experience. With every crash, we giggled all the way!

Another favorite safe place of mine was to hide from the unhappy in the seclusion of the attic. As a kid, I thought I might find the answer by looking in every drawer of the unused furniture. I hoped I would find a forgotten card, newspaper article, scrapbook, keepsake box, or picture to help me figure things out. Every item up there was touched by me and explored. Never did I find the treasure I was seeking in the attic. In some way, hiding there helped me feel that I had a tiny hint of control over my life and painful situations.

My third safe place was the Bellwood Variety Store. It was Dime Store Heaven. My sister and I loved to go there. So many bins with so little time to find just the right prize to take home. Sometimes Dad would let us go in the variety store while he went to buy liquor right next door. As we got older, Deb and I walked there and shopped until we had our fill of the ‘little bits ‘o crap. We never groused at each other when we were shopping. It must have been the thrill of the find.

This is exactly how the Bellwood Variety Store that brought us such joy looked:

I share these stories for positive reasons. Sometimes simple things are the most overlooked solutions. To this day, those choices I made as a kid to remove myself and calm down still remain. As an adult, it’s more of a conscious choice, but one I am grateful to have learned at an early age. I guess happy or sad depends on who and what you put your focus on.

Just five months ago, my past unexpectedly surfaced with a vengeance. I pulled through by reading, remembering the skills I learned in therapy, and redirecting my thoughts and energy. That event lit a fire under me to not delay building my website and personal blog a minute longer! So, it is wise to practice healthy habits 100% of the time, but remember, temporary setbacks might also be a blessing in disguise.

Tough Cookie Tip: Life is risky business. It takes time and practice to build emotional survival skills. A good habit to remember is to think before you act or speak instead of doing a knee jerk reaction. Do you have your Pause Plan at the ready?

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

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