High Functioning Alcoholism

Dad’s Secret

This is my personal experience of being raised by a father with a high functioning drinking problem. In my post, Supper To Self-Protection, I wrote about my dad always using breath mints and vanishing to the garage for the rest of the evening after dinner. I noted my mom’s angry responses to those behaviors. Subtle clues, but both can be a sign of a high functioning alcoholic. I believe my dad could remain sober during his workday but went into the privacy of the garage to binge drink at night.

The modern term is AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder). It is a medical condition that doctors diagnose when a patient’s drinking causes distress or harm. Many situations affect a person’s level of addiction.

Risk Factors

• Generational problems of alcohol abuse
• Binge drinking (more than 5 drinks per day)
• Having a parent or close relative with an alcohol use disorder
• Any alcohol abuse raises the odds of domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect, and fetal alcohol syndrome
• Having mental health problems like anxiety, depression, or other conditions
• Unhealthy marriage or romantic relationships
• Driving while intoxicated
• Driving under the influence with your children in the car
• Stressful birth family life
• Employment environment
• Ongoing financial instability
• Daily exposure to high levels of stress
• Peer pressure to drink
• Feelings of isolation and being unworthy
• Giving up on doing things that were once fun and gave purpose to your life
• Religious beliefs
• Cultural beliefs

The tricky thing about any high functioning condition is the ability of the people to hold their lives together while keeping the cause a secret. My dad rarely missed work and worked hard to provide for our family. He went to church every Sunday. The fallout is whoever has a disease, seen or not seen, infect the other family members in dangerous and destructive ways.

I remember my mom rarely drank. She became tipsy after a few thimbles full of highballs or gold drops. I believe, however, she was just as addicted to being emotionally unavailable (like most alcoholics) as her husband was.

Every now and then my parents took a break from their infections.

On the weekends, Mom let us stay up late to watch Shock Theater, 52 classic horror films from Universal Studios that were released in October 1957 by Screen Gems. A band called The Deadbeats would show off its talent by playing spooky songs to set the mood for terror.

Around 10 PM, Mom spread several comforters on the living room floor with pillows for my sister and me to lay on and watch the horror flicks. I remember watching Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, Dracula, The Invisible Man, and The Mummy. Along with the fright, she served up popcorn and ginger ale. Deb and I talk fondly about those happy memories of Paul.

I remember Dad spent more time doing fun things with me and Deb than Mom did.

Sometimes on Sunday afternoons, Dad would treat us to whatever we wanted from the Goldblatt’s Department Store candy counter. He was not a mean or falling down drunk. It was just easier for him to be at work all day and then in the garage all night. That routine was his alcoholic comfort zone. I suspect my father inwardly struggled with emotional problems only he knew and never spoke about.

His mad skill was ice skating. He took us to a frozen pond. While Deb and I scratched along laughing and fighting the inevitable falls on the ice, Dad was skating backward in a circle around us!

He also loved to fish. I hated fishing because it not only killed a worm but also a fish. I did love the rare moments we shared. Below is one of the few pictures I have spending time with my dad while fishing off a pier. The other is our family with Gramma Marek.

Liquor Store Stops

Then there were other times that were not fun or safe when we were in Dad’s care. The three of us often stopped at the liquor store. Dad left Deb and me inside the car in the parking lot. We were about 8 and 6 years old when this happened. Mom was never with us during the liquor store stops.

One day it was hot. Our father left the windows down while he went inside to buy his alcoholic stash of functionality. I was closest to the driver’s side. Deb was on the passenger side. A man pulled in right next to the driver’s side of our car and immediately tried to get our attention. He scooted over to the passenger side of his vehicle and started pointing wildly downward over and over again. I knew something was wrong. I locked the car door and rolled up the window as fast as I could. And I frantically ordered Deb to do the same on her side. We were terrified. Mercifully, the man sped away when he saw our dad walking into the parking lot towards our car.

Dad took one look at the two of us and knew we were scared. We blurted out our story, and he immediately drove us to the Bellwood Police Station. I remember looking through pages of mug shots but don’t believe either my Sis or I identified anyone. After all, we were children.

As adults, Deb and I talked about how incredibly fortunate we were that day. Many children in similar circumstances are kidnapped, raped, and/or murdered. It happens daily in our country and around the world. We also wonder how our father often put us in danger by driving under the influence while we were in his care.

Binge Drinking

Remember the high functioning part of my dad’s secret? In my research, I learned that chronic binge drinkers develop a functional tolerance to the point they show few obvious signs of being drunk. The same high blood alcohol levels in others would be incapacitating.

Like any substance that is not supposed to be in our bodies, especially in mass quantities, alcohol can damage your brain, heart, liver, pancreas, immune system, and cause cancer.

My First Published Writing

In my late teens, I read Judge Says Leaving Child at Lake Not Abuse in the Albuquerque Journal. Upon reading it, I could not help but wonder if the adult who left their child there was drunk at the time. I wrote a response, and the editor decided to publish it.

The title was Unprotected Children:

“If I could meet face to face with the past legislators as well as those presently serving, I’d like to ask them all one question: How many more helpless children will have to stay in abusive situations before those laws will be changed to genuinely protect children?

The Journal’s Oct. 18 article, Judge Says Leaving Child at Lake Not Abuse, is a prime example of how our current laws fail to fully protect children.

Children need to be protected before something horrible happens-not after the fact!

Everybody talks about children being our greatest natural assets, but still children’s legal rights lag far behind what our Bill of Rights guarantees even criminals (Sixth Amendment).

I believe our legal system is in such a mess that providing the best possible defense legally permits those without any conscience to get away without consequence for their actions.” MARILYN FULLER

My father’s drinking influenced my decision-making as an adult. I hope you will continue reading my stories as they are intended to show the power of patterns and the false “normal” from your childhood that you most likely carry with you.

Life-Changing Resources

For those struggling with sobriety, the most important question for you to answer is: Will you get help?

If you are open to making a loving and positive change for your life and those you love, please check out these excellent resources:

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism https://www.niaaa.nih.gov

NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator https://alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov

Tough Cookie Tip: I believe these 12 steps practiced daily would benefit non-alcoholics too. One day we all become a memory. What will you choose: I have to do better or remain stuck in self-destruction? The way you want to be remembered is solely in your hands.

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please complete the form below to receive notifications about future survival stories and relationship tips. It is free to subscribe.