Entrances And Exits

Entrances

When one life arrives, another departs. Have you ever heard that expression? Is that the spiritual order of things? An eye for an eye? A life for a life? Is that one of the Laws of the Universe?

I was certain Hayes had been born into the world with original blessing, not sin. He was alert, hungry every two hours, and vocal about his needs being met with a funny coughing cry. He reminded me of the Charlie Brown Gang Christmas Special when they sing; all you can see are their oversized mouths instantly taking over their faces. That memory still makes me smile.

When I held Hayes, I felt solidly connected to the world in a new way I had never felt before. Our son comforted my searching soul. I was learning what it feels like to love another unconditionally. At thirty-six, I was getting the best chance to overcome my past and not follow in my parent’s footsteps.

Exits

I continued to worry about how Pete’s mom was doing. I made it out of the hospital and wondered if she had. Shortly after Hayes was born, Pete’s father called to tell him that Noma had passed away. Sadly, Pete never got to share his happiness with his mom. He never got to say goodbye to her, and Hayes never got to say hello to his grandmother. I think it is possible that Noma hung on for Hayes’ arrival and then launched off to check out her new life so different from this earthly training ground-a life of peace and painless freedom.

Many people might consider this heartbreak a coincidence. I think Hayes entering and Noma exiting needs more research to prove that when one life arrives, another departs.

Research And Writers

Memoir (non-fiction) writers like me and fiction writers spend considerable time researching. Sometimes I stumble across thought-provoking considerations while working on first drafts. That happens most often when I am trying to answer my own questions, which is how I started this post. I want to share what I discovered. I don’t think finding the mission of the Santa Fe Institute and Geoffrey West are coincidence. It feels more like being guided to think about the now, followed by the great beyond.

Geoffrey West, One of the World’s Most Influential Scientists

My search led me to Geoffrey West, a visionary physicist, and pioneer in the field of complexity science. I had never heard that term before, and it means the science of emergent systems and networks.

Mr. West is a Distinguished Professor at the Santa Fe Institute, a nonprofit that is the world’s leading research organization for complex systems science. As a theoretical physicist, his primary interests have been in physic’s fundamental questions (unknowns) and the scaling laws.

According to the Santa Fe Institute Mission Statement: “Our researchers endeavor to understand and unify the underlying, shared patterns in complex physical, biological, social, cultural, technological, and even possible astrobiological worlds. Our global research network of scholars spans borders, departments, and disciplines, unifying curious minds steeped in rigorous logical, mathematical, and computational reasoning. As we reveal the unseen mechanisms and processes that shape these evolving worlds, we seek to use this understanding to promote the well-being of humankind and of life on this earth.”

I found this quote to be compelling and interesting that a scientist working on complex systems science would value simplicity and unity in figuring things out.

He has authored a book, Scale/The Universal Laws of Life, Growth, And Death in Organisms, Cities, and Companies. I purchased his book because I believe there is a universe of unproven possibilities waiting to be discovered. Imagine an entire cosmic creation, with living and nonliving things, made up of energy that does not die. Perhaps the details in his book will reveal more answers to my questions. I will keep you updated in future posts.

In an earlier post, What Happens When We Die? I wrote about the beginnings of my strong personal interest in the paranormal (not scientifically explainable). If you have yet to read it, I hope you will check it out. What remains more of a mystery than death, and what could be more of a miracle than a new life? Also the way of The Universe.

Being New Parents

We did not have any family living in Albuquerque. My family lived in Illinois. Pete’s family lived in Illinois and North Carolina. Pete and his dad decided it would be best for him to remain in Albuquerque to help me care for Hayes. Pete arranged to take a week off work so the three of us could recuperate and bond together.

It was tough going from selfishness to selflessness in a day’s passing. Suddenly, the tiny being we brought home from the hospital demanded 24/7 care. Although I had been faithful about preparing for breastfeeding, feeding time was difficult due to extreme tenderness. In addition, I became exhausted from breastfeeding Hayes every two hours around the clock. He was not a good napper.

I began to have that dazed “new Mom” look. Before having Hayes, I had visions of MOM being an acronym for Mighty, Orderly, Matriarch. Now in my newborn day’s fog, the acronym stood for Mindless, Oblivious, Meltdown. My life passed by in non-stop-two-hour increments that became the only limited time I had to shower, take care of household matters, run errands, or rest. I was grateful that Hayes was a planned pregnancy. It must be overwhelming for those moms and dads who are unprepared to accept this ultimate responsibility. Despite all the huge changes to our lives, we were grateful to be his mom and dad.

Joy And Sorrow

As we learn with the loss of loved ones, life and personal responsibilities continue in tandem with the grieving process.

We only had one car in those days, and Pete needed it to get to work downtown. He worked long, early morning shifts at the diary. There were no public transportation options from the mobile home park. We mutually agreed that I would not return to my legal assistant career so I could give full-time care to our firstborn. Hayes and I had fun getting to know each other and hung out by taking strolls through our mobile home park world. The neighbors in the Adult Section, our old neighborhood, would wave or stop to chat a bit and fuss over the baby. Or, we would try to enjoy the outdoors by spending time on the enclosed porch that Pete built on the back of our mobile.

Trailer Trash Unleashed

Unfortunately, some of our neighbors in the Family Section made it unpleasant to be there by constantly arguing and using “fuck” as the noun, verb, and adjective in every sentence, over and over. Or, they would drink, serenade the mobile home park late at night, and be obnoxious and crude. One neighbor decided to open a daycare business and stored dirty diapers in her storage unit about ten feet from our back porch. The stench was outrageous, especially on hot summer days. It seemed our new neighbors in the Family Section were why so many people think of “trailer trash” when they think of mobile home park living.

We had worked hard to move our home because of the park’s policy. In our new spot, we moved the rock so we could put in grass and decorated the yard with trees and a garden to enjoy with our baby. Now “home” increasingly felt more like a prison. I hardly got any sleep. We wished we had not been forced to move from our old spot. During the ten years we lived in the Adult Section, we never had problems with our neighbors.

No Mas

The final event that pushed us over the edge was the day Hayes and I tried to enjoy the shade of the big cottonwood tree on our front lawn. Not long after getting settled on a blanket, I saw a man driving down our street in a dented, rust-colored work truck. He yelled at a kid sitting beside him and was beating the windshield with a hammer at the same time. The out-of-control driver looked up, saw me, and sped out of the park. I quickly gathered my little one, fled out of the war zone into our metal home, and locked all the windows and doors. As far as I know, it could have been an Amber Alert kidnapping. I never found out what happened to the child inside the truck and never saw that truck again.

Two things were evident at this point. The constant conflict of living in the Family Section of the mobile home park was not our vision of the American Dream any longer. We wanted Hayes to have an opportunity to live in a safe neighborhood with respectful neighbors. Even though we had only lived in the new space for about a year, it seemed another significant life change was in our near future.

Granny Paul’s Visit

Mid-summer arrived. My mom never visited me in the eleven years I lived in Albuquerque. During my pregnancy, she never called one time to see how the baby and I were doing. If you read my earliest posts, Blended Abandonment, The Baptists, Paul’s Rules, Rescue From Less Than, Supper To Self-Protection, and Mental Illness Mom’s Secret, then you know the struggles in our relationship.

What a shock when she called and said she wanted to fly to Albuquerque to see her new grandson! A lifetime of wishing things would be different between me and my mom began the first time I saw her with my son.

Paul, my mom’s nickname, came a long way from Illinois to meet Hayes. She helped care for him, allowing me to sleep for several hours. In those heartfelt moments, I realized that being able to forgive and receive forgiveness is the universal lesson to learn to keep moving forward while living on this earth.

I saw a gentleness I had never felt from her as a kid. I was grateful to see my mom being sweet and grandmotherly with Hayes. I saw genuine warmth when she held her grandson for the first time and watched his fine, reddish hair blow around from the swamp cooler (New Mexico’s version of air conditioning).

She held Hayes close to her cheek while she rocked him. When their eyes met, my mom hummed a tune from her past. The song not only calmed him but also seemed to comfort my mom from the unspoken secrets of her life. I wondered if my grandmother had hummed that same song to her daughter. Of all the millions of songs in the world, I later identified it as “Till We Meet Again.” The Mills Brothers and other artists recorded it.

Each time I saw my mom rock Hayes to sleep, give him baths, dress him, play with him, and show her love for her grandson, healing won over long-term sadness and disappointments. Maybe, just maybe, she had been that way with me when I was a baby. You never know when a few unexpected moments will present an opportunity to heal a lifetime of hurtful ones. I have learned to be mindful and notice miracles. They happen all the time if you are open to receiving them.

Unfortunately, in our daily challenges, we frequently miss the important messages and chances to forgive and grow spiritually. I felt close to my mom for the first time in my life. I found a peaceful closure regarding the lingering brig of my childhood. Perhaps my mom did too.

Who knew it would take Hayes, The Babe Miracle Worker, to get the job done!

House Hunting Begins

Shortly after my mom’s visit, Pete and I began our search for a new home and neighborhood to raise our son. Our non-negotiable requirements for our dream home were simple. We wanted a single-family residence in an excellent school district in a safe area. We did not want to live on any main streets. Pete, Repete, and I drove around different neighborhoods that looked promising and found a realtor whose sign appeared in front of several homes we were interested in checking out.

Here we go again. The Fun Fuller Family was off on an exciting adventure as the three hopefuls in search of a new home that was not on wheels.

Tough Cookie Tip: Trust transitions and keep moving forward even when you don’t have the answers and might never have them.

Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.

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