Some messages cannot be ignored. In this story about Betrayal Trauma, I reveal a secret about my writing and the mysterious source.
Every January, I update the pages of my website. This year, I changed the first sentence on my front page Hi. to “Nothing teaches you more about yourself than heartbreak and betrayal.” That thought just came to me in the moment while I was updating, so I went with it.
For this post, I had planned to revise a draft about the Families as Faculty Project to publish on this date. But my gut kept bugging me, and I could not get started on the revision. Some people call staring at a blank page or screen writer’s block. I have learned it is time to ask for guidance.
This is my process for unblocking: I quiet my mind and ask God Loving Creator (the higher power I trust and believe in), “What words does the world need to hear?” Then I listen. Usually, the message is, “Open your Bible.”
For your information, even though I have not been a member of any organized religious group since my Bellwood Baptist days, I still have my Bible and use it. Soon after turning 18, however, I pursued an authentic spiritual path I determined instead of being told how to think and believe.
My Writing Secret
There have been times when I would rent a hotel room strictly to write without any distractions. During those writing sessions, I did not have my Bible. Miraculously, there was always a Gideon’s Bible in a bedside drawer.
A Little History About The Gideon’s Bible: In 1899, two businessmen, John H. Nicholson and Samuel E. Hill, met at the Central Hotel in Boscobel, Wisconsin. They brainstormed how to create an association of Christian businessmen for Evangelism. Following their meeting, Gideon International began its mission to place Bibles in hotel rooms to spread the Christian faith so God’s word would always be on hand.
Here’s how I connect. After asking the question written above, I randomly open the Bible. To put the odds in perspective, there are 1,206 pages in my Bible.
Then I pay close attention to where my left and right hands land on the pages. To date, I have received 34 messages that I documented using this process, so I will never forget them. Each session opened my mind to activate the writing. I’m sure there will be more.
The Messages
Regarding this post, the messages in the scripture below helped me to realize why I changed the first sentence of my Hi Page and why betrayal is the focus.
My left hand landed on Luke 20:38 and Luke 21:5-9.
Luke 20:38 “He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive.”
Luke 21:5-9 Signs of the End of the Age “Some of his disciples were remarking about how the temple was adorned with beautiful stones and with gifts dedicated to God. But Jesus said, “As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down.”
“Teacher,” they asked, “When will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are about to take place?”
He replied: “Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, “I am he,” and, “The time is near.” Do not follow them. When you hear of wars and revolutions, do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away.
My right hand landed on:
Luke 22:1-6 Judas Agrees to Betray Jesus “Now the Feast of Unleavened Bread, called the Passover, was approaching, and the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some way to get rid of Jesus, for they were afraid of the people. Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. They were delighted and agreed to give him money. He consented, and watched for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no crowd was present.
Personal Betrayal Trauma
I am not in any way comparing the betrayal of Jesus to the betrayal in my personal experiences. What I learned from the betrayals is what I want to share.
I did not know there was such a thing as betrayal trauma, but I knew after receiving these messages I was meant to write about it.
According to Betrayal Trauma-The Impact of Being Betrayed written by Sanjana Gupta:
This type of trauma usually relates to primary attachment figures like a parent, caregiver, or other important relationships from childhood.
Betrayal Trauma describes the emotional impact a person experiences after their trust or well-being is violated, either by people or institutions that are significant in their life.
In 1991, Jennifer Freyd, PhD, American psychology researcher, author, and educator, proposed a theory that lists childhood experiences like physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, or sadistic (cold-blooded) behavior by parents/caregivers as traumatic betrayals. The betrayal can cause children to develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
I was diagnosed with PTSD decades after my childhood.
According to Dr. Freyd, children will ignore betrayal to maintain relationships with their parents/caregivers and to survive. The child who is betrayed cannot simply sever their relationship with the abuser.
They tend to block the abuse or betrayal from their mind, especially since they depend on the caregiver for their daily needs like food, shelter, clothing, and education. Light bulb moment: I was divinely led to this information because I was one of those kids. That’s how I felt and also what I did.
Your first relationship experiences begin with your parents/caregivers.
Your parents should be the people who show love to you first and protect you. Imagine how hard it would be for a child to trust a parent who does not care about their safety or never makes them feel important and loved when in their parent’s care.
The relationship becomes complex and confusing to the child because the parents/guardians are simultaneously providing harm and support.
Traumatizing children is a breach of trust and faith. My thought is if you believe we are all God’s children, what could be a more significant betrayal of God’s sacred trust than to abuse or neglect a child?
No child of God should ever be treated as less than and made to feel unworthy of being loved.
Definition Of A Betrayer
Other words to describe a betrayer are Judas, traitor, backstabber, double-crosser, stoolie, trickster, and snake in the grass.
Institutional (Workplace/Government) Betrayal
The definition of Institutional Betrayal is “wrongdoings perpetrated by an institution upon individuals dependent on that institution, including failure to prevent or respond supportively to wrongdoings by individuals (for example, sexual assault, corruption, environments that promote intimidation, inequality, psychological, emotional, and physical distress, wrongful termination) committed within the context of the institution.”
To list a few examples, bosses, colleagues, politicians, religious leaders or other community leaders can be the cause.
Institutional Courage
According to the Center for Institutional Courage, the definition is:
“An institution’s commitment to seek the truth and engage in moral action, despite the unpleasantness, risk, and short-term cost. It is a pledge to protect and care for those who depend on the institution.
It is a compass oriented to the common good of individuals, and the institution, and the world. It is a force that transforms institutions into more accountable, equitable, healthy places for everyone.”
The Center for Institutional Courage Promotes:
- Comply with criminal laws and civil rights code.
- Respond sensitively to victim disclosures.
- Bear witness, be accountable and apologize.
- Cherish the whistleblower.
- Engage in a self-study.
- Conduct anonymous surveys.
- Make sure leadership is educated about research and sexual violence and related trauma.
- Be transparent about data and policy.
- Use the power of your company to address the societal problem.
- Commit resources to steps 1 through 9.
Did you notice the similarities between Personal Betrayal and Institutional Betrayal? And did you notice the words in the messages I received?
What Are The Lessons Of Betrayal?
- Know what you are responsible for and take care of it. Don’t blame yourself for what others are responsible for and allow them to take their anger and misery out on you.
- Children who grew up in childhood trauma learn they can only depend on themselves and do not ask for help. As an adult, the solution is to leave your isolation zone and reach out for treatment and support to get your life and joy back.
- Seek to understand the Science of Thinking and how to use your thoughts to create a life of fun, creativity, wisdom, purpose, courage, gratitude, good health, and happy relationships.
- Fear and hate cannot survive where courage and love thrive.
- Unconditional love and forgiveness are the most extraordinary healing powers on earth.
I previously wrote in detail about the trauma in my life. If you are curious and would like to read those stories, check out Blended Abandonment, The Baptists, Paul’s Rules, Safe Places, Rescue From Less Than, Supper To Self-Protection, Generational Trauma Entrepreneur, My First Love Stalked Me, High Functioning Alcoholism, The Dad I Loved But Never Understood, Mental Illness Mom’s Secret, Unspeakable Secrets And Forgiveness, and The Letter That Saved My Life.
Resources
Center For Institutional Courage https://www.institutionalcourage.org
Marianne Williamson A Year Of Miracles https://marianne.com
Verywell Mind https://www.verywellmind.com
Tough Cookie Tip: It’s always the right time to work for the life that makes you proud and grateful to be alive. Start now.
Copyright © 2022-2025 Marilyn K Fuller. All Rights Reserved.
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Glad to see your writings helped you with understanding and dealing with the trauma put upon you by your parents and others. I always felt a good start in life was dictated by the parents you end up with.
You are a true inspiration Marilyn! I love the new “Tough Cookie” logo.